The quote, “It is not in my past. It is in my every day,” addresses the struggles of individuals with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition that can develop after going through a distressing life-changing event. These struggles include, yet are not limited to, anxiety, difficulties with trust, lack of confidence, and problem solving. An individual with PTSD often feels out of control over their behavior. Their nervous system has been broken, placed in a state of continued alert. Repeatedly, individuals with PTSD live in a world of “feeling judged, not good enough, and what-ifs.”
Probably, if someone you care about suffers from PTSD, you will be affected too. People unfamiliar with PTSD have a hard time understanding the pain brought on by PTSD, thus they often become judgmental and turn away, not wanting to get involved. Note: A person suffering with PTSD is not capable of turning off their feelings without receiving needed support from people who care.
Receiving needed support from people who care is part of their healing process. Accept their need to talk about their traumatic experience repeatedly. Take time to listen, without judgment. Empathetic listening is key in supporting a person with PTSD. Furthermore, encourage them to work with a qualified counselor who has experience treating PTSD. I cannot put into words the loneliness I felt when I was told by family members to stop rehashing the past and move on.
Following the breakup of my family of origin I was emotionally broken. I could not get through my experience of loss and grief alone. Consequently, I turned to counseling to survive. I felt both relieved and challenged when I was diagnosed with PTSD. Finally, I was able to put a name to what I was feeling and why I was feeling the way I did. I accepted it is okay not to be okay. Hearing the words, “posttraumatic stress disorder,” gave me determination to face and learn from my experience, not wallow in my experience.
Also, hearing the words, “posttraumatic stress disorder,” gave me courage to
share parts of my story for others to know they are not alone. Often the things we are most hurt by are more widespread than we can imagine. Explore and make meaning of your experiences through storytelling. Our stories are unique, our hurts are shared. Healing is strengthened for those willing to listen and be touched by the words of others.
Once I was diagnosed as suffering with PTSD, I was able to accept and recognize that recurring thoughts of my family of origin’s breakup will continue to trigger me. Knowing your emotional triggers, as well as ways to manage them is critical in improving your emotional health. Identify when you are being triggered, calm yourself, (possibly, focus on your breathing), process your trauma-related thoughts with a trusted person, and continue to practice self-care including setting healthy boundaries; perhaps stay away from things associated with your past. If you struggle with managing your triggers, talk with a counselor who can help you develop healthy strategies to self-regulate and cope with your triggers.
While experiencing feelings of loneliness and guilt, my hurt and mistrust were manifested through flashbacks, and dreams. I feared what would happen next. I feared the unknown. A phrase that continues to touch my heart and keep me moving forward is “It is not the person refusing to let go of the past; it is the past refusing to let go of the person.” Author Unknown
When you experience dark times, you may wonder how you will find your way through. Generally, the trauma generating your PTSD stems from actions and events that occur which you have little or no control over. Reflect, understand, observe and learn from your reactive thinking and behavior. Embrace the darkness in your life as an integral part of your human experience. Bring forth your inner light; drive out the darkness. PTSD is not a sign of weakness. PTSD is a common response to trauma. Being diagnosed with PTSD validates you are strong; you survived.
I value the positive impact counseling has on me; counseling has given me support, encouragement, and hope. From counseling I recognize it is not about me, it is about what happened to me. Healing is not about forgetting. Healing is about accepting our hurts and using them as reminders of our strength and of resiliency.
I am not defined by my trauma; still my trauma will always be a part of my story. I accept my reality. I have been able to manage my grief by reflecting on and understanding my hidden feelings. Healing and becoming a stronger person are my responsibilities. I own my circumstances. I continue to find ways to best manage my PTSD. I have developed ways to be more accepting of my story. My emotional pain that once affected my whole self, has diminished. I am getting through, not over, my grief.
When I first started going to counseling, I was challenged to identify my reality. My emotional pain crippled me as I searched for guidance to get me through my grief. I am grateful for having the strength to listen to lessons my pain was teaching me. Being vulnerable, not giving up, and doing the hard work was necessary for me to be capable of accepting and learning from my hurt.
It is not uncommon for people with PTSD to be suffering other life challenges that make it harder for them to recover from thoughts and reactions resulting from their PTSD. It is important their planned treatment is right for their individual situation. It is generally best practice to treat PTSD with counseling using cognitive behavioral methods designed to the individual’s needs.
No two people’s stories are the same. Individuals are different; relationships are different. PTSD looks different to various people. To the people in my life who give me unconditional love and acceptance, Thank you. I am here for you as much as you are for me. I value our real relationship. When I’m going through a rough time, there’s nothing you can do to “fix me;” still your genuine concern and love get me through my pain.
I have learned to live by the words of The Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” As I face life challenges, I weigh my choices wisely. Doing so comes from listening to myself, others I trust, and to God. One’s life journey is unique; follow your own path. Let your journey be one of grace; trust your inner wisdom, the wisdom of loved ones, and the courage your faith instills in you.
God Bless-
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