Bereavement expert, David Kessler talks about finding meaning following the loss of a loved one. Kessler describes meaning to be personal, only you can find your own meaning. Finding meaning takes time.
Grief is like a bridge connecting the pain of loss and the hope of creating a new life for yourself. Loss takes away; grief can give back. There is hope after loss. The pain will lessen; the love will remain. Own your grief. Move forward on your grief journey.
Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting. Moving forward allows you to make encouraging life changes honoring your loved one’s memory in an amazing way. Live your best life, in honor of your loved one. Tell their stories. Set a personal goal that would make your loved one proud. Make a charitable donation in their name; plant a memorial tree in their honor. Have an open heart allowing your hurt to guide you in your search for inner peace. Embrace grief to remember and appreciate your loved ones.
Choose to rise from your experience of loss. Be better, for they existed. Moving forward is about learning and committing/choosing to live a full and happy life following your loss. Experiencing grief and loss are integrated into our lives. You cannot avoid times of grief. You can place your hope and trust in God, whose comfort may not take away your pain, yet He promises to support you in the middle of your hurting.
Connect to your shared memories without reliving hurtful emotions by being okay with not being okay, and by being intentional about nurturing hope. You cannot change your past; you can change the way you think of your past. Make life decisions based on what you hope for, not what you fear. Making choices while reflecting on your values, vision, and dreams helps you to become more hopeful about your future. Let hope fill the hurtful places of your past.
My adult daughter, Jeanna, grew up reading the book, “The Little Engine that Could.” The words “I think I can” gave her encouragement, hope and motivation. She went from being a little girl identified with learning differences to becoming an ER Pediatric Nurse Practitioner. She worked hard and never gave up. She inspires me to stay true to myself and keep going. Her values, vision, and hopes moved her life in a positive direction; still her journey involved periods of trauma including, not limited to, losing a best friend killed by a drunk driver their junior year of high school. Jeanna’s life changed forever on April 25, 1996.This loss continues to be a part of my daughter’s story as she will never get over losing Colleen. Still, she continues to get through her grief mostly by keeping Colleen alive through storytelling. At first, she focused on staying busy and taking care of everyone else. Two years later, she had the strength and awareness that she needed help to face her hurt. No one is meant to go through the grief process alone. By accepting what happens in life you can free yourself from the restraints of anger and resentment; you begin to accept the value of living in the present. Jeanna, my daughter, is my hero. Through her words and actions, she has shown others the power of letting hope fill the hurt spaces of their past and moving on to recreate her story.
Focus on recreating your life. Acknowledge moments of gratitude. Possibly start your day with meditation, prayer, and practice deep breathing exercises throughout your day. Set time to be with a trusted friend. Enjoy quiet time. Let go of any guilt, shame, and blame that surrounds not being okay. Listen to your gut, have good intent, and be able to live with your choices. Make choices that will move you forward with hope. Take time to look at the "whole picture" objectively. Think about possible obstacles and challenges that may prevent you from reaching your wanted outcome. How much value you give to life itself and the way you treat others defines you as a person. Your choices will not always lead to the outcomes you want. You will make mistakes; name and own them. Challenging times are teachable moments. Be intentional about cultivating moments of hope.
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